Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
