He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
