It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
