What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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