I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
