"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
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