He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
