hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
