i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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