Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
