Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
