Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
