At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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