babies were throwing up all over the place
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize