2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
