Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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