I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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