Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
