I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
