Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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