My sheets look like a crime scene.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
