dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
