yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
