what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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