Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
