I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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