I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
