You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
