Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
