I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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