And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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