did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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