Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
