even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
