we have pet lesbian snakes
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
