You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
