break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
