Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
