I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
