there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
bring money and cleavage
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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