im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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