Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
