I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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