I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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