he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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