my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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