yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
