if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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