You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
