and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
