Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
