It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
