party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
