i wish starbucks made bloody marys
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
