Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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