HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
