i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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