hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize