so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
