What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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