....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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