I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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