As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
