You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
