JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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