i was born a porn star she said
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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