I just gift wrapped bread.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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