the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
