you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
