I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
