i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
