Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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