He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
