So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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