i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
