Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
