I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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