I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
